The Half Full Monty...

I'm Sick. Sick and tired. And for once its not literal. I'm sick and tired of watching every Indian language movie under the sun ask their heroines to strip to the bare essentials. They call it glamour. I call it bullcrap.

Yeah sure, go on... disbelieve. Its easy... after all, its rich, coming from a hormone driven college guy right?

See, thats the problem... Everyone thinks everyone else wants glam. The ooomph! The bikini-swimming pool routine or the drenched-in-rain one. Take your pick.

Sigh.

It's just not fair. Our movies are so obsolete. Our cinema style is obsolete. Our titles are obsolete. Our heroes are obsolete. Our dialogues are obsolete. Our producers? How i wish they were.

Ever noticed the everywhere but not here trend? Not even heard of it huh... thats not surprising... i came up with it a few seconds back. But you ve seen it, oh yes. Lets do a bit of math... we ll figure out the percentage of screen time/surface area a heroine gets in promostional material. Now thats everywhere. Take the inverse. Odds are thats the actual percentage of screen time she really gets. Thats 'not here', here being the actual movie.

I just cant figure it out... why we cant have more than two genres of movie making. Theres the commercial genre, and the non commercial one. If we classify our cinema on those lines, we ve just ordered for a coffin and drilled in half the nails.

Commercial machaan... superduperactionandlovesceneswiththalaspunchdialoguesonboth.
Serious moovie machaan... Im not gonna pay to watch some guy crying over his life

Thrillers, Dramas, Historical/Period flicks, Sci-Fi, Romantic, Comedy... now these are how you classify movies. Hear that, you big guns in Bolly, Tolly, kolly, Lolly, Molly, Sally and Jollywood?

Pathetic. I just realised something. Our filmakers ape the worst, most irrelevant things from western cinema. The latest are the glam gals. Before that was the special effects. But even before that, something that you probably missed... these guys are so pathetic, they couldnt even name their industries without help from Hollywood.

Now that i ve got all that frustration out of the way, i think i should cheer up a bit. Lets just, say , look at the silver underwear on that half full monty. The year gone by, there were some really low budget, really nice, edge of the seat type movies that met with some success. Which is encouraging. Really encouraging. Here s to hoping that in a decade, i wont need to fast forward half the running time of a tamil movie. And that you wont too.

The Holidays Are Coming, The Holidays Are Coming

Oh wait. They're already here.

Which tells you something. Guess what. Go on... guess.

Im not enjoying them too much. Which is ok. Because that means im normal. You cant hear me being happy without wondering if im down with the latest flu doing the rounds. You know, my doctor actually unsubscribed to all his magazines... says its useless cause i ll tell him wats gonna be hot in the sector anyway. Think of me as this highly sensitive lab rat. Now take out your wand and engorgio that rat a couple of times. A couple more. Maybe another zap. There... now you've got me.

Which reminds me. I haven't had fever for 3 whole months! Yay! Celebrate! Get out the Ice Cream!

*Cough*

Actually, don't. I seem to have a small sore spot in my lower throat. Lets not aggravate that. I ll just celebrate with hot, healthy, soup.

Cheers.

I said which reminds me. Now you're wondering what reminded me. Stop wondering. My mind isnt coherent. So you fell for it, huh? Made my day...

Anyway, Jokes apart, the holidays... what... i bet u scrolled up to check out the jokes again. They dont exist... i was just pulling your leg. Really. Swear. Promise. God Promise.

Ok... jokes apart, the holidays are pretty cool. I get awesome stuff to eat, i get to irritate mom and dad and mommom *thats ammamma* every single day, and i see all these people i ve been really rude to and not seen the entire year. Its not like im busy in college guys... im just lazy. Sheeeet... i just had to say that... Maybe i ll go underground for a few days...

But the best part is reading. And writing. Something about being alone the entire day pumps your creativity up a few notches. Most of its gone into design stuff. But its sort of saturated on that end. Thats why im here... your saviour. To shake up your boring, redundant life and introduce you to a whole new world of pain. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Pat youself on the back. You made it through the post. Im impressed. No, sorry, that doesnt mean i ll stop. Life s unfair, huh :)